So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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