foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
