I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
