Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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