He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
