The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
