Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
