is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
