sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My feet surprised me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
