and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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