Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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