His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
