genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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