well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
