I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
