You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
