my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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