If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
