Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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