I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
