Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
