normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
