Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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