she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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