I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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