My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize