Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
