i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
