So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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