She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
