You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
