I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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