the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
