I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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