Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
