I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Edward fifth and chaser hands
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
