Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think I won the penis lottery.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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