I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
