I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
