i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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