I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
