i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize