So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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