my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
