That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
