Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
