SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
