Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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