Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
