just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize