So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
