She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
