i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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