She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Randomize
