I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize