after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
