I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
