i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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