Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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