No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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