How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
