My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
