So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
