I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize