I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
