ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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