if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My pussy is not your playground.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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