he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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