Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
