Do you still have your period?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
