i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
