All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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