Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize