All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
