I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
