I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The Olympian is in my bed
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
