My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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