so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize