i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
