just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
