So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
