Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I want her autograph on my taint
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
