Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
