I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize