At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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