so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
