ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
