So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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