I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
