Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
