Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
