So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
third nipple confirmed
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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