...so i touched it.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
