Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
