So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
