I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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