So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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