I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize