I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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