She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
