Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
