drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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