Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
