Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize